Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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