Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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