Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Congratulations! We have a period
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