you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Randomize
