im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
