I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
