god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
