So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
