Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so let's talk penis.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
