I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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