Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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