I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
