her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
