I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
