if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
