sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
