I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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