Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
