Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
