Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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