What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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