i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
