Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
