it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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