I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
All I want is dick and wine.
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