He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
