Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
