I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
