So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
