I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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