I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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