dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
