He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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