Even the bartender felt bad for me
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
PANTIES FOUND
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
