You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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