can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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