did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
