their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
