Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
