Umm I'm too high to move.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
