Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
