shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
