I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
