she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
