trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
