do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
