Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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