oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
