dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
