Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
