You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
